


Murder, seduction, and incest. What do you want, jokes?

by needleyecandy



Series: Silly September [32]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Actors, Alternate Universe - Medieval, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 03:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: Thor and Loki are the heads of a troupe of travelling players. Their repertoire is... somewhat limited.





	Murder, seduction, and incest. What do you want, jokes?

**Author's Note:**

> I went to a performance of 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead' a few months ago and then this happened.

Thor gave a harsh cry of rage as he lunged, right foot nearly a full yard ahead of his left, making his body go low and long as he drove his dagger hard into the chest of his foul enemy. He held the position long enough for the audience to savor the sight of his magnificent body thus displayed for them before bringing his rear foot forwards to loom over his falling foe.

He stood and watched, triumphant, as his opponent crumpled to the ground, choking and gagging with enough histrionics to satisfy even the people in the back row. When the death scene was done, Thor turned to Loki. His brother stood there in his ratty blue dress and yellow-painted-tin crown, looking every inch the queen.

“My sister,” Thor boomed. “I have slain the evil king, your husband, and now you are free.”

Loki floated across the stage into Thor’s arms. “Oh, my dear brother,” he said in the light and gentle voice he always used when playing women’s parts, “you are the only man I have ever truly loved.”

Thor put one hand to his head and let his mouth fall open in shock. “Lora! You mean…”

Loki ran a suggestive hand up Thor’s chest. “I do.”

Thor caught Loki up and laid him down upon the ground, tugging Loki’s dress up about his thighs and settling himself between them. With a sharp jerk of his hips he pantomimed entrance and then they were moving together, pleasured cries growing louder and louder until Thor collapsed atop Loki with a groan.

The audience burst into cheers and the two of them rose to their feet while the rest of the company returned to the stage to take their bows. A smattering of coins landed at their feet and they set Alfred to picking them up.

“We thank you, good people,” Thor cried.

“Good people, we thank you,” Loki echoed prettily.

The crowd meandered off and the players began to pack up. They worked more slowly than they needed for there was always the hope that someone was hurrying home to find them something in the kitchen. And indeed, today they were fortunate. Not five minutes later a woman returned with a whole loaf of bread for them, and another woman came with six apples that were only a little wizened. Best of all, right when they were climbing into the cart that was at once home and conveyance, a young girl came scurrying up with half a roast chicken sent by her mother.

“She bid me say that she thanks you for giving her something to think of with my father,” the girl said, clearly confused. They did not explain.

Loki always remained in his costume until they were a ways out from the village where they had played. It would have been boon enough for the company were he simply to make a lovelier woman than did most actors, but he likewise made a lovelier woman than did most women and when he maintained the illusion it meant more money the next time they came through.

 

Loki caught Thor's hand in his own as they walked to their tent that evening, their stomachs happily full without them having to spend a single coin. It was the sort of thing that put them both in a good mood and Loki was determined to take full advantage.

"I have nearly completed our newest play," Loki said. His eyes danced with good humor as he watched Thor's face light up.

"What is it about? Surely you can tell me, now that it is close."

"Mmm, not at all. You know the rules."

"I also know that with enough kisses you can be coaxed into breaking them."

"Not this time. This time I am quite determined. You may try, though."

"Walk faster," Thor told him.

Loki grinned and hastened his step.

"Tell me," Thor begged once they were ensconced, his hands tugging at Loki's tunic.

"Hmm-mm," Loki answered through purse-tight lips.

"Tell me," Thor demanded, reaching down his breeches.

"Hmm-mm," Loki answered through gritted teeth.

"Tell me," Thor growled, taking hold.

"Ah," Loki murmured. "So convincing, brother."

"Speak."

"I call it 'The Rescue of Lucinda,' and it is the tale of - _ah!_ Oh, Thor, don't stop..."

"I told you to speak, did I not?"

"It is the tale of a sweet young woman whose brother has gone off to find his way in the world, and when their father dies she is taken into the household of a local knight, who has... mmm, yes, don't stop... he has designs upon her, but just as he is about to seduce her, her brother returns home and he slays the foul wretch."

"And then?" Thor prompted, stroking faster.

"And then she realizes," Loki gasped, "that what she thought she felt for the knight was but a shadow of her true feelings for her – oh! Brother!"

 

The Rescue of Lucinda was a huge hit with the audiences. The women sympathized with the title character who came so near to being misled. The men identified with the brother determined to protect his sister. Everyone identified with them being desirous of the other. They spent months performing it and living very comfortably indeed on the coins it earned. With time, though, all players find themselves itching for something new.

"You'll really like this one," Loki said as he passed out copies of his latest work. "It's new and different and I'm terribly excited about it. 'The Rescue of Lucretia,' I've titled it. It is the tale of a second son who goes out into the world to seek his fortune but comes to realize he left his greatest treasure behind. He returns home only to find that his beloved sister has been married to a cruel lord. He kills the lord, rescuing his sister, and in her gratitude she seduces him and he beds her."

No one answered. The entire company had been struck dumb by his brilliance. Yet again. And then applause burst out. "It is genius, brother," Thor said.

"It... It is?" Alfred stammered.

Thor clapped him on the back. "You see? Alfred agrees with me. And the others are so taken by it, they are entirely speechless."

"Begging your pardon, of course," Thomas began, "but is it not a little like 'The Rescue of Lucia?"

"What? Oh, no, no, no. In that one, Lucia seduces her brother _before_ he kills her husband."

"And the husband in that one is a baron," noted Thor.

“Very true. Thank you, Thor.”

"You're most welcome, Loki."

"You see? Completely different."

George spoke up. "But it's still all murder and seduction and incest."

"I'm not sure you can call it murder if he's protecting his sister," Loki reasoned.

"Seduction, though, yes. And incest. Lots of incest," said Thor.

Loki nodded. "Lots and _lots_ of incest."

"You know, I feel the need to retire early tonight," Thor said with a loud yawn.

"So do I. I am already thinking about the idea for our next new play, as well. It is never too early to plan."

"Tell me?" asked Thor as they hurried towards their tent.

"I never tell," Loki said, eyes gleaming brightly.


End file.
